It was a warm autumn’s day, Justin was looking out of the window of his little house on a little street. The leaves on the trees had just started to go brown and they were lightly flying on the winds back. He watched as each one landed softly on the ground like snowflakes. Justin brushed his brown, long-ish hair out of his bright blue eyes (which some people call blue explosions) as he stood up to answer the door, the bell had a weird ring to it but knowing Justin he didnt notice it at all. Each step he took the wooden floor beneath his feet creaked like a ghost howling. As he opened the great, big, red door his friend Lizzie came jumping in her curly black hair bouncing with her, as she was a bouncy person ”Hey Justin should I just go into the living room I brought some snacks”.
Justin laughed as Sam came in, he must of tripped over or something because he had a crack right up the middle of his lens, he nearly banged into the wall as he went to sit into the living room.
Bella was looking at the flowers in the front garden not noticing Justin watching her.
“Bella? are you coming in?”
“Oh sorry I didn’t see you there” Bella said as she flipped her blonde fringe out if her face “I brought a really scary movie I got from my older sister its called Axe!”
You could tell it was a scary movie by the mans face dripping with blood on the cover, a little bit of Justin thought something would happen to him that night.
“Can’t wait to watch it” Justin said blocking that little bit of him calling out as he watched Bella pick a flower and put in her hair. As Justin closed the door he felt a weird chill, he ignored it and they all went into the living room turned on the TV, put the DVD in and all sat on the sofa. None of them new what was going to happen next…
Chapter 1
It was a warm autumn’s day, Justin was looking out of the window of his little house on a little street. The leaves on the trees had just started to go brown and they were lightly flying on the winds back. He watched as each one landed softly on the ground like snowflakes. Justin brushed his brown, long-ish hair out of his bright blue eyes (which some people call blue explosions) as he stood up to answer the door, the bell had a weird ring to it but knowing Justin he didnt notice it at all. Each step he took the wooden floor beneath his feet creaked like a ghost howling. As he opened the great, big, red door his friend Lizzie came jumping in her curly black hair bouncing with her, as she was a bouncy person ”Hey Justin should I just go into the living room I brought some snacks”.
”Yeah sure, Thanks Lizzie” Justin replied happily.
Justin laughed as Sam came in, he must of tripped over or something because he had a crack right up the middle of his lens, he nearly banged into the wall as he went to sit into the living room.
Bella was looking at the flowers in the front garden not noticing Justin watching her.
“Bella? are you coming in?”
“Oh sorry I didn’t see you there” Bella said as she flipped her blonde fringe out if her face “I brought a really scary movie I got from my older sister its called Axe!”
You could tell it was a scary movie by the mans face dripping with blood on the cover, a little bit of Justin thought something would happen to him that night.
“Can’t wait to watch it” Justin said blocking that little bit of him calling out as he watched Bella pick a flower and put in her hair. As Justin closed the door he felt a weird chill, he ignored it and they all went into the living room turned on the TV, put the DVD in and all sat on the sofa. None of them new what was going to happen next…
* Good sentence structure.
* Good description
A bit more speech