But then they started hearing laughing from upstairs Bella screamed the voice was getting louder and louder and it was coming from different places all over the house suddenly the tv turned static justin was starting to wake up but nobody noticed as they were all concentrating on the voices. Suddenly the voice said "one of you will die by my hand" and then the voice continued laughing. They were all thinking about what the voice had just said and "who did it mean who was going to die"? Said Lizzie in a whimpering voice. Justin was now standing and looking around the to find where the voices where coming from all over the house. By now Bella was hiding behind lizzie wimpering they were all hudled up in the middle of the room scared and confused and then the voice suddenly said"BEWARE ONE OF YOU WILL DIE VERY SOON". It was followed by a long shallow evil laugh.
Edited version
Chapter 11
They heard laughter from upstairs. Bella screamed. The laughter was getting louder and louder. It was coming from different places all over the house.
Suddenly the voice said,"One of you will die in my hand." The voice continued laughing.
Justin was now standing and looking around to find where the voice was coming from, hoping it was just a sick prank. By now Bella was hiding behind Lizzie whimpering, they were all huddled up in the middle of the room. They were scared and confused.
The voice suddenly said "BEWARE ONE OF YOU WILL DIE VERY SOON!"
You did something differan't to the scream faint but convayed fear
You created a atmospher
Try make it a bit longer
Chapter 11
But then they started hearing laughing from upstairs Bella screamed the voice was getting louder and louder and it was coming from different places all over the house suddenly the tv turned static justin was starting to wake up but nobody noticed as they were all concentrating on the voices. Suddenly the voice said "one of you will die by my hand" and then the voice continued laughing. They were all thinking about what the voice had just said and "who did it mean who was going to die"? Said Lizzie in a whimpering voice. Justin was now standing and looking around the to find where the voices where coming from all over the house. By now Bella was hiding behind lizzie wimpering they were all hudled up in the middle of the room scared and confused and then the voice suddenly said"BEWARE ONE OF YOU WILL DIE VERY SOON". It was followed by a long shallow evil laugh.
Edited version
Chapter 11
They heard laughter from upstairs. Bella screamed. The laughter was getting louder and louder. It was coming from different places all over the house.
Suddenly the voice said,"One of you will die in my hand." The voice continued laughing.
Justin was now standing and looking around to find where the voice was coming from, hoping it was just a sick prank. By now Bella was hiding behind Lizzie whimpering, they were all huddled up in the middle of the room. They were scared and confused.
The voice suddenly said "BEWARE ONE OF YOU WILL DIE VERY SOON!"
You did something differan't to the scream faint but convayed fear
You created a atmospher
Try make it a bit longer