They stared and paused at Justin’s body pinned down on the sand with the blood pumping out on his hand. It was like a red sea; they all looked so horrified with their mouths were wide open and tears rolling down their faces like heavy rain. Once they had stopped crying Lizzie said, “What are we meant to do with a dead body ”. Sam brought out his phone and called the police. "Hello" said Sam "my friend Justin has just been murdered, his body is lying on the sandy beach pinned down on the sand and he is bleeding with blood really badly but he is dead “. Police women answered “ just stay calm and the police will be right with you to get the full story and see what has happened and were about are you so the police can get there and meet you”. Sam answered, “we are in pine tree forest next to the little river, but Justin’s body is at the side of the river pinned down “.”The police will be with you in two minutes just stay where you are and stay calm” said the policewomen. Sam said, “Yes” with a very shivery voice. They all just stood and stared at the body in the sand as the sand started to seep up all the red ness in the blood; they all hugged and said it’s all right. They were watching out for the police car when they saw a flashing blue light in the distance. IT was the police; they ran up to Sam, Lizzie and Bella and asked them ……
star- unfinished sentance to finish, nice
star-good description in the first cupple of lines, draws us in
wish- this chapter hasn't been changed to what the class agreed
They stared and paused at Justin’s body pinned down on the sand with the blood pumping out on his hand. It was like a red sea; they all looked so horrified with their mouths were wide open and tears rolling down their faces like heavy rain. Once they had stopped crying Lizzie said, “What are we meant to do with a dead body ”. Sam brought out his phone and called the police. "Hello" said Sam "my friend Justin has just been murdered, his body is lying on the sandy beach pinned down on the sand and he is bleeding with blood really badly but he is dead “. Police women answered “ just stay calm and the police will be right with you to get the full story and see what has happened and were about are you so the police can get there and meet you”. Sam answered, “we are in pine tree forest next to the little river, but Justin’s body is at the side of the river pinned down “.”The police will be with you in two minutes just stay where you are and stay calm” said the policewomen. Sam said, “Yes” with a very shivery voice. They all just stood and stared at the body in the sand as the sand started to seep up all the red ness in the blood; they all hugged and said it’s all right. They were watching out for the police car when they saw a flashing blue light in the distance. IT was the police; they ran up to Sam, Lizzie and Bella and asked them ……
star- unfinished sentance to finish, nice
star-good description in the first cupple of lines, draws us in
wish- this chapter hasn't been changed to what the class agreed